Story: UY First Impressions

 

You know, thinking about it a little bit, Ataru Moroboshi is maybe just a little bit superhuman, right? Think of what he's done. What he's endured. What he's actually managed to survive, recover from, shrug off...

He had always been officially average - a hairline of luck, a shoulder-to-shoulder stream of improbable escapes, a reputation built on pratfalls and excuses. Unofficially, though, Ataru Moroboshi was a small machine of endurance: knocked through walls and back into life, burned by sun and insult and love, shoved into situations that would have folded ordinary men like origami and somehow kept coming out the wrong side of disaster with a grin and a bruise. People called it luck. He'd call it survival. Either way, it had turned him into something that wasn't quite human any more, not when measured by ordinary tolerances.

It didn't hurt, in the least, that he'd had more sex in the last week than your normal, average man has in a lifetime. With a pretty solid variety of hardy babes, including one who reflexively shocked him when she climaxed.

Actually, that did hurt, quite a bit - the point is more that it had helped build his stamina reserves considerably. Normally though, he'd be using that energy for perverted activity. Hitting on girls. Riding hot Oni booty day and night. That sort of thing.

"Aoi!" he called while hanging from a lamppost. "Shinobu!"

Then, at that very moment, a cute girl jogged by in a pair of shorts, a jogging top, sunglasses and a baseball cap. Ataru was on her like white on rice.

"Pardon me," he said, while far too inside her personal space for comfort. "Have you seen -"

He then got to taste pepper spray, as the girl barely looked at him and continued on her merry way.

"Gah!" he screamed, and flailed about, but then stopped when he realised nobody was giving him any sympathy. "Girls are pretty dangerous in this time as well. No less cute, though~"

But no, he had no time to assess hot jogger booty! Not when his flesh and blood was in mortal danger! He zipped around the neighborhood quickly, quickly, looking for any trace of where they might have gone... Then looked up to see something floating in the sky.

It was a balloon. But not just any balloon. It was a balloon which had, upon it, a picture of himself and Lum and the most adorable little girl he'd ever laid eyes upon.

If you looked closely enough, you might see Ataru's biceps go up a little bit in size. His thighs as well, as he rushed squarely towards that direction.

======

The more that Shinobu looked at Aoi, the more adorable she became. It made her wonder, really, what Ataru's other children were like. With Benten, Oyuki, herself... Other girls too, most likely.

The thought made a sigh escape her lips. Was she ready to be a mother? Honestly, she kind of wanted to have a lot more sex with Ataru and the others before settling down, but looking at Aoi...

"Auntie Shinobu~" Aoi said, and blew up another balloon. "Look, look!"

"Yes, yes, that's adorable," Shinobu said, beaming down at the precocious little thing. While the bodyguards escorting them had been paying a lot more attention to the road, Aoi had been blowing these balloons and setting them free out of the window. "Although, do you think that's a good idea? Drawing attention to ourselves like that...?"

Aoi gave here a weird look, and shook her head. It almost read like this little girl was calling her an idiot inside her own mind, but that didn't last long before a great big smile flashed on her face.

"Okay, that should be enough anyway~!" Aoi giggled.

... Right. Okay then. Sure. Shinobu settled back into her seat, brushing down her maid uniform, when all of a sudden there was a loud crunch on top of the front of the car.

"Oy, oy!" a familiar voice came from outside. "You in there, Shinobu?"

"Huh?" Shinobu gasped. "Ataru? Is that him? What stupidity is he up to -"

"Crud, Moroboshi found us!" one of the bodyguards yelped. Suddenly, he pulled out a gun and held it to Shinobu's head. Huh? Huh?! "Back off, creep, or we'll put a hole in the side of her -"

Suddenly, the gun popped right in the guy's hand. He stared at it for a moment in total confusion... and that was enough for Shinobu to scream loudly and toss the guy so hard she also tore the car door off its hinges from that throw.

The others in the car were moving quickly as well. Reaching for their own pistols, only for Ataru to suddenly appear inside their personal space.

"Name?" he asked one. "Address? Phone number?"

The next thing she knew he'd taken down two of them, and her need to fuck him had never been stronger, oh shit, there's something about being rescued by the boy you like that gets a girl's motor running. Woof woof, call her a bitch, cuz she was in heat!

"Auntie Shinobu~" Aoi tugged at her sleeve, then pointed towards the guy she'd tossed out the car. He was, amazingly enough, getting up, and had apparently found his real gun, which he was staring at quite intensely. In turn, Aoi blew a bubble, out of which a baseball appeared, which Aoi dropped into Shinobu's hand.

A moment later she'd beamed the guy and the baseball vanished.

As for the driver? Aoi floated up to the back of his head and gave him a huge electric shock. It was funny, but for a moment there, Shinobu almost thought there was something more to Aoi's expression. Something more akin to... a sinister smirk?

But it didn't last long before the little Oni whirled around and flew right into Ataru's chest.

"Daddy!" the little Oni girl cried out. "You saved us from the bad guys!"

Ataru's eyes twitched as he looked down at the precious little bundle snuggling up against him. He let out a big, audible gulp, then looked over towards Shinobu. Yep, there could be no question who this girl's father was.

"Soooo..." Shinobu rolled on her heels. "Darling, I'm going to need you to impregnate me as soon as humanly possible. Lum as well."

Ataru opened his mouth to protest, but the little girl snuggled into him all the more. The only thing he could do was meekly nod, and then -

Aoi pulled something out of her diaper. A button of some sort? She pushed it, and then the world went funny, and all of a sudden they weren't in the 90s anymore.

======

Aoi breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she wiped sweat from her brow.

"I really, really hate bootstrap paradoxes," she grumbled. "The complexity, the severity of getting a detail wrong..."

She flew around towards the would be kidnappers and tossed each of them a single gold coin.

"There, that should set you guys up for life," she said. "I'll set up some clones to take the fall... good work, you've ensured the existence of me and my many, many, oh my fucking god so many siblings."

"Th-Thank you, Miss Aoi!" one of the kidnappers bowed deeply. "It feels strange taking orders from a toddler, but -"

"Toddler nothing," she interrupted. "Turns out Oni are smarter from an earlier age, and when you combine that with human ingenuity you get me. A bonafide prodigy by literally every metric possible." She sighed wearily. "But even my own mother underestimates me. Daddy, too. They're lucky I love them so much, but - hey, whatever. Based on the analysis I've done on my genetics, diet and exercise, I'm gonna grow up to be even hotter than my mother, so I'ma get a reverse harem by the time I'm nineteen, and - "

She stopped, realising that the grown men were looking at her funny. Oops, she had let out a bit more than she meant to there. So she slipped back into the cutesy act.

"Better get going soon, bye bye!" she waved. "I gotta make the clones before mommy and daddy get here! See ya later!"

It's harder work being Aoi than it seems, you know. It's not so much the expectations everyone else has when you're this brilliant. It's your own expectations that let you down.