Story: Data Corruption

It suddenly felt like a really good time to get back to the SOS Brigade. Sticking around here suddenly felt like a very bad idea. Whatever was going on, it was spreading like wildfire, and I had absolutely no intention of sticking around to see it play out!

Though this did leave me running through options. Perhaps I could use Mikuru to take me to a safer time so that we could plan something out? Send a warning to the Data Overmind so they knew to take precautions from that different time zone? Either way, I'd have to act quickly before - 

"Uwaaaaaah!"

... My running speed slowed considerably as I passed by an absolutely unbelievable sight. It was truly unbelievable.  

Her maid-uniform-clad body was wedged in a hole in the hallway wall, separating it from the SOS Brigade's clubroom. Her head and arms were inside the room, while the rest of her was left helplessly dangling outside. Her legs kicked uselessly, her muffled voice on the other side letting out a series of confused squeaks.

"Mikuru?" I blurted out, my brain struggling to comprehend the absurdity before me. "What are you even doing?!"

"K-Kyon?!" Her voice was a mix of relief and embarrassment. "P-Please help me! I don't know how this happened! I was just cleaning, and then— and then I slipped, and— ahhh! It's so embarrassing!"

Of course it was. This was Mikuru Asahina we were talking about. If there was an awkward, improbable way to end up in distress, she would find it.

I sighed, rubbing my temple. "Alright, alright, just hold still. I'll try to pull you out."

Gripping her waist carefully—because I really didn’t need Nagato or Koizumi misinterpreting this—I braced myself and gave a light tug. No luck. Mikuru let out another panicked squeak, flailing as she tried to assist in her own rescue. Wonderful. How absolutely amazing. It really was incredible that she'd wind up in this position, it was almost like - 

Like a cheesy hentai parody where a girl got stuck in the wall and then abused by an unseen man.

I was suddenly feeling a very strong compulsion to stay out of the SOS Brigade room. On the other hand, if anyone was to try something then Miss Asahina would inform me of it, and I would be able to come out and punch them in the nose.

"Don't worry," I said. "I'll try to get some help!" I then ran off towards the door, pulled it open, stepped inside - and the door slammed shut behind me, while Haruhi Suzumiya was sitting on the edge of a table looking pensive.

It was only then that I noticed that there was a sign on the back of the room that read 'You can't leave until you have sex'.

What. You'll notice that wasn't a question. Perhaps it would make more sense if it looked like <i>what!</i>

"Oh great, it's you!" Haruhi grumbled, eyes half closed, lips cast in a thin line. She looked over at Asahina, who was still wriggling in the wall. "Urgh, I even tried waiting by the door for someone to come in, but the next thing I know I'm over here. Well, nothing else for it. Get that kit off, let's get this over with."

"Wah! Don't make me watch!" Asahina wailed, and I could very easily imagine her legs kicking out behind the wall.

"Get my kit off?!" I repeated to her. Haruhi shrugged and started unbuttoning her shirt. "No, wait, keep that on! Aren't you taking this far too calmly?"

"Why shouldn't I?" Haruhi replied. "What, never played Final Fantasy 2 before? There are trap rooms all over the place there."

That's a video game! And one which, by this point, is well over a decade old! My face landed squarely in my palm, and then a moment later it was being used as a hangar for Haruhi's skirt.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to have sex so we can leave," Haruhi said, whipping off her shirt. Gah! I looked away, quickly! "Come on, I don't expect it to last long. Gotta punch that V card sometime, and I can think of worse boys to lose it to."

"That's not the - " I began, but then ran the statement through my internal Haruhi translator. It was a work in progress. There were a lot of nuances to read into. Tone, context, these things can drastically alter the meaning of a sentence when it comes to this little god of chaos and misery. "Hold on, do you mean that you... actually want to do that? With me?"

"Urgh, get real!" she scoffed. "I mean, I guess I don't mind that it is you, but getting stuck in a room and having Asahina watch us the entire time isn't exactly what I would daydream about, you know?"

Wait a second here, hang on. This didn't feel right. Haruhi Suzumiya was simply rolling with it? What was she up to? What was she thinking? And worse yet, how was it not setting her reality warping imagination ablaze? That girl wasn't the sort to do this so easily! She never went along with anyone else's ideas when she could be a little chaos gremlin instead!

"And another thing!" I said. Alright, let's test the waters a bit. How will she react to this...?"Shouldn't we try to get her out of that hole in the wall?"

"You think I haven't?" Haruhi scoffed. "I was pushing her while you were trying to pull her legs!"

"I was trying to push her! No wonder we couldn't get her out!"

"Ohhhh?" Haruhi rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "And what exactly were you pushing, Mister Ky~on~? You didn't touch anywhere inappropriate, did you~?"

"This coming from the girl who gropes Miss Asahina every chance she gets," I said. Alright, there was still a reaction like what I expected, but - "Come on, stop messing around, put some clothes on. There must be another way out of here which doesn't involve the two of us - You know! Maybe if we can pull Asahina inside - "

"We could have a threesome!" Haruhi finished, pounding her fist into her open palm. "Great thinking! That's the kind of dirty imagination that really gets me fired up!"

That led to a couple of thoughts passing through my mind currently. Firstly - it would kinda suck if that applied here too. For example, if they pulled her into the room and suddenly she couldn't leave and had to watch them have sex, then got herself trapped in here as well.

Secondly, did that mean the hole would close up behind her after they got her out? No, they couldn't even use that as a means of escape to start with - That girl was large of chest, but small of waist. If she couldn't get out then Haruhi likely couldn't, and I definitely could not!

On the other hand, if we could call out for help... It might attract more people to the door, and apparently when Haruhi had attempted to lurk near the doorway she had suddenly found herself sitting on the table instead.

This was not a good situation. I went to the window and looked outside. Tsk! The window was stuck, and even if they could get out it was a long drop to the ground below. Their only chance would be something like - I grabbed a chair, threw it at the window... And it shattered! Then instantly reformed.

"ooooh~" 

"Ahhh~"

I winced and turned around. Both girls were giving me this odd look. Haruhi, sorta smug. Asahina, sorta hungry...?

"Mmm, not bad, not bad," Haruhi said. "A very fine example of male strength."

She turned around, put her hands on the table and thrust her ass up at me. The action inviting me to peel her panties down! Ack! Nnnrgh! D-dammit, don't just do that! Not when we're being watched!

"Th-That was so cool!" Miss Asahina said. Oh no, she was cutely sucking on her index finger while looking at me all dew eyed! "Mmm, much cooler than when Miss Suzumiya tried the same thing."

"Girls, wait a minute," I said, taking note of the fact that my erection was getting much, much bigger! "I think this room is -"

"Messing with our heads?" Haruhi said. "I worked that out inside a minute of noticing what had happened! Now, Kyon! You're gonna put it in me, or I'm gonna make you put it in me, and at this point I don't really mind which it is!"

Crap, even Haruhi herself has been affected by whatever's going on! The thing was, it was getting kinda warm in here... and the idea of Asahina watching with an expression like that was kinda starting to work for me! What do I do now? If I put it in, then I might wind up just like the council president!

Getting my dick sucked any time I wanted by a really cute girl.

...

Wait, why was that a bad thing again?