Story: WR Haruhi

 

Well well, you decided that I, Haruhi Suzumiya, would be engaged in mischief! Oh, don't look at me like that, we both know full well how this website really works. If you were truly interested in seeing Kyon get his back blown out by those two, you would have selected that option instead of this one, where you get to see what naughty things I might be up to.

Perhaps I was making out with Sasaki? We are polar opposites, and you know what people say about opposites attracting, right? Maybe I'm motorboating Mikuru? I do like to perv on her quite a bit. Oh! Perhaps I'm teasing Yuki? Or sucking off Koizumi? That poor boy, he does get left out of these stories quite a bit, doesn't he? What's the matter, mister writer? Not into two men getting it on but perfectly fine with watching two girls?

Double standards aside, obviously I wasn't doing any of that stuff. Last time I'd appeared, I'd been frozen in time by Yuki, who had pulled Kyon away before we could have any fun with him at all.

However, the two of us are pretty damn powerful reality warpers, our current situation notwithstanding. Sure, I was more interested in using this power to sexually satisfy Kyon - and the same holds true for Sasaki as well, do note - so being frozen in time wasn't actually that much of an inconvenience.

"So, are we gonna go save him from those two?" I asked.

"No," Sasaki sighed, smoothing down her apron. "I think we should discuss the matter of his obvious personality shift a bit more, and then go from there."

I sighed. Yeah. His personality was obviously not right. He wasn't the same man that thoroughly dominated and tamed absolutely everyone. He was far too... hesitant. Not willing to play along with the two of us at all. 

I mean, here we are in the single hottest clothes that a girl can wear for a guy. THe naked apron! The tactical nuke of feminine seduction! Multiplied by the fact that there were two of us at once! How had he been able to keep his hands to himself? Any normal boy would have broken quickly, dove for them like it was Christmas day and there were gifts under the tree waiting to be unwrapped. Although the wrapping in this case was a pair of flimsy aprons.

But seriously, it's a combo of the two things that should be the most absolute temptations for a boy, and he turned them down. Naked apron on two girls at once, that's pretty remarkable.

"So what do you want to do?" I asked, giving Sasaki a cheeky grin. "Wanna fuck for the right to go after him first?"

"Your mind always does go to the competitive route first," Sasaki replied. "No, instead, I wanted to understand a bit better."

Blegh! I get that instinct. Wanting to understand. It's part of my own determination to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the supernatural exists and - well, pretty damn sure of that now. But I'm a total slave to Kyon's cock, so that hardly matters much to me anymore, right?

Right!

"Okay, so, what do you wanna do to figure that out?" I asked. "Come on, you're the one that wants to do it. You got some big idea to figure out Kyon's headspace?"

"Well, I was thinking we could exploit your ability to create Closed Spaces, and - "

Boom, we were in a closed space composed of my mindset. Everything in it was made of naked Kyon, who was massively erect.

"Ah, yes, never mind, I see the problem with this plan now," Sasaki said. I shrugged and started to wave my hands around to dispel it, but then Sasaki's own hand reached out to grab mine. "I did not say to dismiss it."

"Oho~" I chuckled. "Yes, yes, I forgot you are a horny slut too, aren'tcha?"

Alright then, in that case, we pulled up some Kyon dickchairs so we could have a proper chat about this mess.

"Right, so let's establish what we know so far," I started, grabbing a Kyon dickkettle and pouring out some tea into a Kyon dickcup. "Kyon found a wishing rock and made poorly worded wishes on it, which resulted in all of us being absolutely cock mad for the boy."

"That is a sufficient summary of the story so far," Sasaki replied, daintily sipping from the Kyon dickcup. "All the same, it does not do us much good at the moment, in figuring out what to do about him."

"Ah, okay, let me use my weird reality powers to check back a few pages," I said, then cracked my knuckles and hit the previous chapter button a whole bunch of times to get myself caught up. Really handy power, breaking the fourth wall like this. It was, I must admit, tempting to make use of some of those other options, try to lead things down a different path, but... No, no, that would benefit some other Haruhi, some other Sasaki, some other Kyon all down a different worldline. 

"Um, let's see..." I mused. "It seems as though he thought I could read his mind back then, when actually I was just teasing him based on his responses. If I could have read his mind I would have done more than swallow a banana whole without activating my gag reflex."

Sasaki shuddered. "Sorry, I imagined that for a moment and... good gracious," she said.

Yeah, damn right you shuddered, that's really fucking hot. Heh! Anyway, I continued reading.

"Uh, he was looking for a way to return things to normal while everyone was treating him like king of the world..." I continued. "Which freaked him out even more..."

I drummed my fingers on the Kyon cocktable.

"You thought of something?" Sasaki asked.

"Yeah, but it's kinda boring," I said. "Basically, we make him think reality is fixed. Gets him to lower his guard, and then we can ease him into the idea of dicking us down any time he catches the idea."

"Then that is what we shall do!" Sasaki said, rising to her feet and smoothing down her apron. "Now, Miss Suzumiya, do remember, our objective is to solve the problem, not do so in the most interesting way."

"But we're fictional characters!" I pouted. "We're meant to be entert- Oh, what's the point? Let's just get this over with."