Story: FBI 1/2

 

The midday sun baked the pavement of Furinkan, sending shimmering waves of heat rising from the asphalt. Hiroshi leaned against a vending machine, nursing a lukewarm soda, while Daisuke scrolled through his phone. The peace lasted exactly three seconds.

A sharp, metallic vibration pulsed against Hiroshi’s chest. He gasped, clutching the badge pinned to his shirt. A line of glowing, crimson text bled into his vision, hovering in the air like a holographic decree.

<b>DAILY MANDATE: RIVALRY RESOLUTION. TARGETS: HIGH-CONFLICT FEMININE PAIRS. OBJECTIVE: STANDARDIZE AESTHETIC VALUES TO PREVENT CIVIL UNREST. FAILURE TO COMPLY: PUNITIVE MEASURES ACTIVE.</b>

"You seeing this?" Hiroshi asked, his voice cracking. "The hell is this?"

Daisuke looked up, his own badge humming with the same malevolent energy. "Standardize aesthetic values? What the hell does that even mean?"

"It means the Badge is bored," a dry voice interrupted.

Nabiki stepped into view, her arms crossed, a calculating glint in her eyes. Beside her, Shampoo chewed a piece of bubblegum, her gaze scanning the street for anyone who might be worth a fight. Both girls wore their deputy badges with a mixture of pride and predatory intent, while their own breasts threatened - or rather, promised - to spill out of their tops.

"The 'Federal' government doesn't like chaos, Dai," Nabiki said, her lips curling into a smirk. "Two girls fighting over the same thing creates a market instability. The Badge wants us to... 'balance' the scales."

"Shampoo think this sound like fun," Shampoo added, blowing a small, translucent bubble. "Maybe we find some girls who think they too good for others. Shampoo like to see them humbled."

"I'm not in the mood for a forced march," Hiroshi groaned. Also, that explanation from Nabiki kinda sounded like bullshit she'd pulled from her admittedly quite fine behind.

Suddenly, his legs snapped into a rigid march. His body moved independently of his will, pivoting toward the shopping district with mechanical precision.

"Dammit! It's the punitive measures!" Hiroshi yelled, his arms swinging in a perfect military cadence. "My legs are moving on their own!"

Daisuke let out a yelp as he was jerked forward, his body mirroring Hiroshi’s movements. "This thing is a tyrant! A total, breast-obsessed tyrant!"

Nabiki fell into step beside them, her expression one of pure amusement. "Look on the bright side. You don't even have to decide where to go. Just follow the compass of perversion."

Small comfort that was! He couldn't even turn his head to check her out from this angle! Oh, this was the curse of ultimate power, eventually you had to pay the piper! Though really, he shouldn't be complaining too loudly, not yet. If it was just this one thing, one and done, then he could maybe motorboat a babe and -

As they rounded a corner toward a manicured plaza, the air suddenly changed. The scent of heavy, cloying perfume collided with a crisp, floral aroma. The atmosphere felt electric, charged with a level of vanity that could power a small city.

"Ohohohoho!"

The laugh was like a serrated blade wrapped in silk. In the center of the plaza stood a girl with long, dark hair and a dress that screamed gothic melodrama. She held a single black rose, her eyes narrowed in a look of supreme disdain.

"Your efforts are pitiful, you pale imitation!" Kodachi Kuno declared, her voice echoing across the square. "The darkness of my love is an abyss that would swallow your meager 'purity' whole! When I find a man worthy of my black rose, he will be a monument to misery and passion!"

Opposite her stood a woman who looked like she had stepped out of a high-end bridal magazine. Her hair was a cascade of pale gold, her posture a masterpiece of refined arrogance. She carried herself with the poise of a queen, though her expression was currently one of utter disgust. She also, for reasons none of the four of them could start to comprehend, carrying a large picture frame around herself.

"Please," Asuka Saginomiya replied, her voice a cool stream of ice. She stood there with her frame around her, as if she was posing for a portrait. "Your 'passion' is nothing more than a temper tantrum in a lace dress. A truly superior man requires a partner of unmatched elegance. The White Lily does not compete with weeds, she simply overshadows them."

"Weeds?!" Kodachi’s face contorted. "I will crush your lily petals under my heel!"

"Try it, you dramatic brat," Asuka countered, stepping forward, her chin tilted upward. Presumably so she could properly look down her nose at her rival. "I can secure a boyfriend of higher pedigree with a single glance. You, on the other hand, look like you’d frighten a stray dog."

Hiroshi and Daisuke skidded to a halt a few feet away, their bodies finally regaining autonomy. They stared at the two women, not knowing remotely what to make of this.

"Holy shit," Daisuke whispered. "Who are they?"

"They're hot, but also crazy..." Hiroshi muttered, mindful of the eternal warning to young men: Don't put it in crazy.

"That's Kodachi Kuno," Nabiki whispered back, her mind already calculating the potential for blackmail. "Pure chaos. And the other one... Asuka Saginomiya. The 'White Lily.' She's a legend in the circles of high-society vanity. They’re basically the same person in different color palettes."

"Targets acquired," Hiroshi muttered, his eyes widening as he took in the scene. "High-conflict feminine pair. This is exactly what the Badge wanted."

Kodachi and Asuka were too locked in their battle of egos to notice the newcomers. 

"My future husband will be a god among men!" Kodachi shrieked, throwing a black petal into the wind. "He will weep at the beauty of my devotion!"

"My partner will be a paragon of sophistication," Asuka replied, her voice dripping with condescension. "While you are playing house with your delusions, I shall be basking in the adoration of a true gentleman."

Hiroshi stepped forward, his voice booming with an artificial authority. "Federal Breast Inspectors!"

The two women froze. They turned in unison, staring at the two teenage boys with expressions of utter bewilderment.

"What in the name of etiquette is this?" Asuka asked, her gaze sliding down to the badge on Hiroshi’s chest.

"Excuse me?" Kodachi barked, her black rose trembling. "Who are you, you insignificant pebbles? Do you not see that I am in the middle of a divine proclamation?"

Hiroshi didn't flinch. He flashed the badge, the metal gleaming under the sun. "We are officials of the Federal Breast Inspection Agency," Hiroshi declared, slipping into the role with surprising ease. "We’ve received reports of severe aesthetic instability in this sector. Your current argument is causing a disturbance in the federal balance of beauty. By order of the Agency, both of you are required to submit to an immediate, mandatory inspection."

Asuka blinked, her brow furrowing. "An inspection? Of my... breasts? This is preposterous! I am a woman of standing! I do not submit to the whims of schoolboys!"

"Standing is irrelevant in the face of Federal Law," Daisuke added, stepping up beside Hiroshi. "If you refuse, we’ll be forced to file a non-compliance report. That usually involves a very public, very embarrassing audit of your entire wardrobe and social standing."

Kodachi let out a sharp, mocking laugh. "Ohoho! You think a little piece of tin scares me? I am the mistress of the black rose! I bow to no one!"

Nabiki stepped forward, her voice smooth and dangerous. "Actually, the audit isn't the worst part. The Federal Agency has the power to issue 'Aesthetic Tickets.' If you're found non-compliant, they can legally mandate changes to your appearance. Imagine, Kodachi, waking up tomorrow with... say... the breasts of a prepubescent boy. Or perhaps something even more... unappealing."

Kodachi’s laughter died instantly. She looked at the badge, then at Nabiki. The idea of losing her femininity - her primary weapon in the war of love - was an unthinkable horror. 

Asuka, meanwhile, looked horrified. "You cannot possibly have the authority to alter a person's physical form."

"Try us," Hiroshi said, a predatory grin spreading across his face. Both girls gulped audibly, especially after looking over both Nabiki and Shampoo, no doubt calculating what they probably used to look like. "Now, follow us to a private location, or we start the public audit right here in the plaza."

Asuka looked at Kodachi. Kodachi looked at Asuka. The rivalry was still there, but a new, shared fear had emerged.

"Fine," Asuka spat, her voice trembling slightly. "But I expect a formal apology once this absurdity is concluded."

"I shall be the most compliant of all!" Kodachi declared, her competitive streak pivoting. "I will show these inspectors a level of perfection that will leave them speechless! I shall win this inspection!"

"Me!" Asuka countered. "I shall be the gold standard of the agency!"

Hiroshi and Daisuke exchanged a look of pure triumph. Even so.... "This is going to be a very long day," Daisuke whispered.