Story: Ataru's Goddess

 

The Moroboshis are terrible parents. This has been long established already, but it does bare repeating. I mean, when you get right down to it, neither of them cares about their son. Neither of them seems to even really like him, to be frank. Now, it's hard not to blame them for that, but really, the way he is must at least be partly his fault.

Anyway, at this moment in time Mrs Moroboshi was getting a little worried about the whole Goddess situation. Right now, at this moment in time, her son was off on a camping trip with Shinobu (who she had hoped would be able to bring that boy to heel), an alien princess, and a local priestess who happened to be a complete knockout babe. Even she was looking, so you know that one was trouble!

She was trying not to imagine what they were getting up to. It would only annoy her. She really didn't want to have any idea of what they were actually doing because she was very confident her son's focus wasn't on the act of doing yoga.

But just then, there was a knock at the door. Letting loose another weary sigh, she trudged over to the front door, smacked her face and forced herself to smile, then opened wide - and found a young girl standing there. She was wearing a quite remarkable robe. It looked rather expensive, with a strange print of a dragon fighting a tiger that looked very elaborate.

"Good afternoon," she said, giving a small curtsey. "My name is Ryoko Mendo, and I am here to join your son's harem."

"Ah," she said. "I'm terribly sorry, we don't need any."

She then moved to close the door - and found something obstructing her. Looking down, expecting to see a foot, instead she saw... A gold brick. Mrs Moroboshi stared at it. She stared at it good and long, in utter disbelief about what she was looking at, and do bear in mind, this is a woman who has not only had to deal with Ataru freaking Moroboshi his entire life, but also recently discovered that both Goddesses and aliens existed too.

In comparison a gold brick blocking your doorway might seem less impressive, but all the same, there it was.

"Wha-" she gasped, as the door was pulled open. Not by the girl, but by two men wearing jet black clothes.

Ryoko herself was giggling in amusement. "It wasn't an offer," she said, quite insistently. Then stepped inside the home as if she owned it. "Here's what is going to happen. I am going to take your son, and his harem, and we are all going to live together on a Mendo owned property. You won't have to pay any of their food, water, or other bills."

Ding! That was quite the offer she'd just made. But - Oh, she was still his mother. She couldn't possibly sell him off like -

"Furthermore," Ryoko said. "We will give you one of these each month he stays with us."

She was pointing at the gold bar laying on the floor. Oh my goodness. That would be - Oh, she reached into long since buried financial service skills she'd picked up when she was younger. That would be around about... In 1979 yen, that would be...

Her pupils dilated upon completing the calculation. That would be about two hundred million yen. Two. Hundred. Million. Yen. Per. Month. Of not having to deal with, take care of, or necessarily be anywhere near her own flesh and blood.

She could practically hear the little abacus beads clicking in her head. Mortgage paid. New kitchen. Retirement somewhere far, far away from aliens and screaming priests. Another brick every month. Every. Single. Month.

“Ah - ” she said faintly, still doing the math. “That’s… very generous… But I couldn't possibly part with him like that, especially not to a girl I've only just met. Could you make it two?”

"I have a hearing impediment," Ryoko said. "I think you said two, but I heard three, so now you're getting three a month. Do we have a deal?"

Mrs. Moroboshi’s hand shot out to the hallway wall and clung to it like a lifeline. Three. Three gold bricks. Six. Hundred. Million. Yen. A month. Her mind went into overdrive. Her husband wouldn’t have to work again, not a day in his life. They could retire, finally retire. A proper kitchen. A proper bath. They could tour Europe, the Americas, anywhere really. With that kind of money they’d run out of ways to spend it long before the year was up. Hell, maybe they could talk Lum's parents into giving them a tour of the galaxy! Her mouth opened and closed soundlessly like a goldfish.

“…Three?” she croaked at last.

Ryoko smiled. “Three.”

Mrs. Moroboshi’s knees wobbled. “Excuse me a moment,” she whispered, disappearing back into the house. 

The woman who had birthed him pressed her forehead to the wall, breathing in and out. Six hundred million yen a month. For him. She straightened, fixed her hair, and walked back to the door wearing the serene smile of a mother who was absolutely, positively not about to sell her only son.

“Where do I sign?” she asked. Because Ataru Moroboshi's mother is the worst... or that's what we would say, except she was currently talking with Ryoko Mendo.

=====

Meanwhile, Urd was watching the “yoga session” with great interest. And by “yoga session” she meant “slow-motion train wreck.”

It was obvious to anyone with eyes  -  and Urd had more than most  -  that Sakura was the only one even pretending to take this seriously. She had the posture, the breathing, the little furrow of concentration between her brows. The rest?

Ataru was far too busy appreciating the view of cute girls in leotards and yoga pants to even remember what pose he was supposed to be in. Shinobu and Lum had slipped into the sort of competitive rhythm that could turn “tree pose” into “battle stance” if left unchecked. And Belldandy… sweet, earnest Belldandy… was moving through the routine like a swan, but her expression had shifted from serene to quietly anxious, as though she were more worried about whether the others could keep up than about doing the poses herself.

It was, in short, exactly the kind of mess Urd liked to watch: one part chaos, one part comedy, and just enough sincerity sprinkled in to make the whole thing interesting.

Let's see, let's see. It was pretty obvious that Shinobu had managed to get laid last night, and - 

"Put your palms flat on the floor!" Sakura yelled, keeping her back and knees straight, legs far enough apart that she was able to do just as she said while still technically standing, and - Good gracious those yoga pants weren't leaving much to the imagination. Urd was pretty sure she was straight, but for that human she might make an exception. That is a reality warping, sexuality confusion pair of glutes, good gracious.

But no, Urd was not getting sucked into the harem shenanigans. She was at risk here, but right now? Right now her number one objective was getting her sister's cheeks clapped. She deserved it. Probably deserved it better than this guy but at this point beggars can hardly be choosers...

She picked her spot and drifted over to Lum like smoke curling toward a candle. How amusing it was, really  -  a Goddess making small talk with an Oni. Lum was toweling herself off, static flickering faintly across her fingers. Cute girl. Lovely skin. Nice frame for someone her age. Not, of course, a shade on Urd’s own curves  -  but still, cute. Heh-heh-heh.

“So,” Urd purred, leaning just close enough for Lum to catch the scent of her perfume, “how are you doing there?”

Lum startled, little arcs of green lightning snapping off her towel. Clearly her attention had been elsewhere. “Ah - Urd! You scared me.”

“I caught you,” Urd said, smiling like a cat with cream, “trying to show off for your Darling. But he wasn’t watching you, was he?”

“No…” Lum sighed, wings drooping a little. “He’s paying more attention to Sakura and your sister. It’s not fair. How am I supposed to compete with them?”

Urd tilted her head, all warm sympathy on the surface and mischief underneath. “Would you,” she whispered, “like some extra-friendly advice?” Her voice slid into Lum’s ear like silk. “Let me teach you a few things about body language… how to make it fluent in the male gaze…”

Lum blinked at her, uncertain if she was being teased or offered actual help. With Urd, she knew already, it was most likely always both.

=====

So, crushed pelvis aside, Ataru was really enjoying himself! He was trying not to look at Shinobu too closely right now. The sex had been fun up until she went for it a little too eagerly, but all the same! The pain made it rather less than worth it! If only she could control herself, and - 

“Darling~”

It came out of Lum like a song. She didn’t lunge at him the way she normally did; she glided. All of a sudden Ataru had Lum wrapped around him like wrapping paper  -  but not the usual static-charged, clingy wrap. This was different. Soft. Warm. Somehow she was pressing just enough to be noticed without being overwhelming, tilting her head just so, lashes lowered exactly the way Urd had demonstrated with two fingers and a knowing smirk.

Ataru froze. He’d been halfway through some half-baked comment about Sakura’s stretches when he suddenly realized there was no electric buzz crawling up his arms. No hair standing on end. No ozone. Just… Lum. Smooth skin, faint perfume, her wings fluttering rather than sparking.

For once in his life, his brain blanked.

Urd, a few mats away, watched the little display like a teacher grading a test. Lum had adjusted her angle of approach, shifted her weight to frame him instead of tackle him, even modulated her voice into something low and sing-song instead of her usual squeal. And the best part? Not a single volt of stray current. Not even a tingle.

Ataru blinked down at her. “Uh. L-Lum?”

She tilted her head up, smiling sweetly, eyes doing exactly what Urd had told her to do. “Yes, Darling~?”

He swallowed. “You’re… uh… you’re not shocking me.”

Lum’s smile deepened, just shy of smug. “Urd taught me a new way,” she whispered, leaning closer. “Do you like it?”

Behind them, Urd crossed her legs and steepled her fingers, pleased as a cat watching a mouse walk willingly into the trap.

"Hey, it's better than getting electrocuted!" he sniffed.

"Um, that would mean I shocked you to death," Lum said.

"Same difference," Ataru replied, trying to play it cool, but quite frankly he wasn't up to the task. "If you're quite done, we'll be back to yoga soon, and - "

"Urd's already said she'll keep the others busy," Lum whispered. "She's given me a special pill that will let me control my electricity powers." She looked around conspiratorily. "And if you come and have sex with me, right now, she'll give a strength controlling one to Shinobu - and we'll all have a hot and heavy threesome tonight~"

She spun on her heel away from him, right at the moment she finished that sentence, and strolled off, rolling her hips. Not even looking back at him, until she reached the door - and then for no reason at all she started to levitate in the air while bending over, making it clear what exactly she was putting on offer here - and then she was gone.

Which left Ataru himself staring at the blank space where she'd been. Well. Fuck it then. He might be tsundere, but he wasn't stupid. If she was genuinely making an offer like that, then he'd be a fool to turn it down. It didn't matter if it was a trap or not, it was the best laid bait in the history of traps!

In turn, that's exactly what Urd had been aiming for. Isn't it amazing the things you can pull off with a little coaching?