Story: Love Normal

 

Hello, this is Naru here! I am taking over for a bit to try to explain what happened after we all decided that we were okay sharing Keitaro and having loads of sex with him. It feels a little strange to look back and think there ever was a time where that wasn't okay, but there we go.

I need to nerd out a little bit here actually. In order to make it clear what's going on, we need to discuss two things. Let's start with the less obviously connected one.

Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. Have you heard of that? In brief, it states that there is a limit to the precision with which certain pairs of physical properties, such as position and momentum, can be simultaneously known. I can go into a lot more detail about it if you want, but to put it as simply as possible, you cannot know the exact location and velocity of any subatomic particles simultaneously. Going any further into it requires doing maths and a minilecture on physics, but that's not why we're here right now. Okay?

Alright. Now, the second topic. Normality itself. What does it mean to be normal? This is a fascinating philosophical question, like 'what is sentience' or 'what is the measure of intelligence', right? We know these things when we see them. We know the absence of these things when we see them. But where's the line in the sand? Being 'normal' isn't something you can measure like temperature or distance or speed - it's an entirely subjective idea. What is normal for one person is weird for other people. Right? Get it?

So, we'd taken the time to carefully and meticulously understand how exactly these reality and perception warping earrings functioned. Let's take these ideas together and what comes out can perhaps, most succinctly, be summarised as 'oh dear'.

The morning after we'd all discovered quite a few very interesting things about our bodies, I got up before almost anyone else. Motoko beat me awake. I don't know how much by. The others were all sprawled out in the landlord's room, which, let's be real, was now the only occupied room in the building. The others? They'd be where we kept our stuff. This was where we were going to sleep from now on - and that was normal. Perfectly normal. It was a normal, healthy thing for us all to do.

It wasn't a week ago - and I cannot stress enough how weird that is to me right here and now - but it is normal.

I got up, looked down at Keitaro and felt a strong urge to wake him up for a little fun - but no, I had other things to do today. Fun could come later. After we were finished. Which acted as an incentive to get it done, and get it done right.

With that thought in my head, and feeling so much better about myself, I left the room. Buck naked. Which was normal. Because of course it was normal. Soon enough, I found Motoko doing a spot of training out in the garden, also naked as could be, and that too was totally and completely normal, normal, normal.

"Good morning~" I chirped happily, approaching the beautiful kendoist running through her routine with precision and grace. She saw my approach, and slowed her violent thrusting down, up until I could give her a chaste, innocent, french kiss by way of greeting because that was, of course, totally normal. "How are you feeling?"

"I want to wake the landlord up and spend the rest of the day sitting on his face," Motoko said, in a totally deadly serious tone. "All the same, I cannot neglect my training, no matter how my body yearns and begs to be fucked."

I nodded in complete understanding. That made complete sense. I, too, found it completely normal to want to have as much sex with Keitaro and the other girls as possible, while also acknowledging that I couldn't do that without - 

"Say, does anything feel weird to you?" I asked.

"No," Motoko said. "And that, in itself, makes me feel that everything is -"

The word weird wouldn’t even form in our heads before we were rushing off to check for ourselves. I almost caught myself thinking that everything—absolutely everything—being normal is itself quite normal. But really… it’s a little weird, isn’t it?

Each day is a unique experience. There’s always going to be one little detail out of place. Something slightly off. A missed step, a wrong word, a cloud that doesn’t look quite right. Perfect normality, sustained without interruption, isn’t just unlikely—it’s suspicious. It’s a bit of a paradox, right? A huge one, actually.

Ever heard of the unanimity paradox?

It’s not a formal theorem in the way physicists like their theorems. It’s more of an observation that keeps reappearing under different names. The basic idea is this: when everyone agrees about something, the confidence that the thing is true doesn’t increase indefinitely. Past a certain point, it starts to do the opposite.

Total agreement doesn’t feel like confirmation. It feels like coordination.

If one person says the sky is green, they’re wrong. If two people say it, they’re confused. If everyone says it—no hesitation, no dissent, no uncertainty—then the question stops being “what color is the sky?” and becomes “why is no one disagreeing?”

Unanimity removes noise. Noise is how systems detect error. Which, in retrospect, should have worried us a lot more than it did. When nothing is weird, there is no contrast. You cannot have normality without something being weird.

The safe was open. Wide freaking open. Motoko and I stared at it in total disbelief.

"A thief," Motoko hissed. "How sinister, how vile! Naru, we must put together all of our skills, all of our talent, to determine the culprit, and catch them before -"

"It's Suu," I said, cutting her off before she could get anywhere.

"Suu? Are you sure?" Motoko asked.

I pointed at a photograph on the floor showing a picture of Suu and Shinobu in front of the open safe, holding up the earrings for the camera. Then, the two of us made a beeline right for Suu's room. Motoko in particular was not in the mood to take any prisoners here.

"It's normal for Mitsune to have the earrings..." Motoko grumbled darkly to herself. "It is not normal for someone else to have them!"

"And while they were in Mitsune's safe, they were in her possession," I said. It's the kind of logic anyone could follow along with. It's the only natural outcome, after all.

The two of us threw the doors open to Suu's room, and then immediately closed the door again. The two of us stepped back and took a deep breath.

"Motoko?" I asked. "It wasn't just me, but - But it was really weird in there, right?"

"Extremely weird," Motoko said. "It felt as though all the weirdness in the universe was suddenly spontaneously in that room."

It was hard to explain, really. In opening that door up, it felt like I was exposed to several horrible truths all at the same time. The idea that it wasn't normal to do... any of the totally normal things we'd done over the last few days. Having joined a harem with Keitaro. Even kissing Motoko this morning had been strange! Having sex with Keitaro, wanting to have sex with him again, even my current nude state was all weird!

This was not a nice feeling to have and I did not much care for it.

=====

I woke up to a really nice feeling that I very much cared for. Upon opening my eyes, I found myself looking down at Mitsune, giving me a big, juicy, succulent titjob. Her boobs are huge, and she sure does seem to know how to use them well.

"Ara, good morning landlord~" Mitsune cackled. "You lucky dog you.Being woken up like this, by the sexy and beautiful Kitsune~"

It sure did feel like good luck. Man, but her boobs were so nice! 

"G-Good morning Mitsune!" I said, leaning back and letting her do what she seemed to know how to do really, really well. "Is this how you're going to wake me up from now on?"

"Hrm?" Mitsune replied. "Sure, sure - If the other two don't get to you first!"

The other two...? Right, they weren't here at the moment, were they? That's a shame. But then again, we did a whole bunch of stuff together last night, so maybe they weren't in the mood...?

Right now, my entire world was captivated by Mitsune's boobs and how normal this all felt. It was so normal, so mundane, that it was actually starting to lose its luster a little bit...? Huh. Wait, why was I so excited to be woken up like this? Sure, it felt nice, but there wasn't anything all that untoward about it.

I looked down at Mitsune's bust, and watched in rapt fascination as, quite without warning... her boobs went up a size. Ah! That was interesting - if also completely normal.

But was it really normal? I had thought so at the time, but now...? Not so much. Now I know that this is where things were about to go quite bad for us. Reality is what you perceive of it, right? And right now, the difference between what was weird and what was normal was becoming massively inconsistent in a way we weren't ready for.

======

Success! I, Suu, have successfully identified normality! That was good, right? That was great! I knew it! Running the earrings underneath a spectrograph had opened my eyes to the true nature of reality. The strangeness, the weirdness—and then, then—reality opened its eyes to me in return.

Isn’t that exciting?

It’s like something out of a cosmic horror story. You do something so fundamentally strange that the universe itself sits up, takes notice, and wags its finger at you in that deeply judgmental way. Like you’ve been naughty. Like you stuck your fingers somewhere you weren’t supposed to.

Hardly.

All I did was take something strange and put it under a microscope so I could understand it. That’s called science. What’s so naughty about that?

(See: approximately half of all cosmic horror stories ever written for the answer.)

I never liked that genre. Everyone’s always so shocked. Oh no, they cry, the truth was too big, the knowledge was forbidden, man was not meant to know. Very dramatic. Very loud. Very unproductive. If something reacts badly to being understood, that’s its problem, not mine.

Anyway!

The readings were fascinating. Perfectly smooth. No spikes. No noise. No anomalies. Every wavelength exactly where it was supposed to be. Which, of course, was the anomaly. Because nothing is ever that clean. There’s always jitter. Always interference. Always one tiny wobble that says, “Oops! The universe sneezed.”

But not this time.

Normality, I realized, isn’t the absence of weirdness. It’s the suppression of it. The earrings weren’t hiding strange things—they were preventing the universe from noticing them. Like holding very still when someone’s counting, and somehow convincing them you were never there at all.

And that’s when reality noticed me noticing it.

"Um," Shinobu raised her finger. "Suu, it's not just me, right? Things have been really weird around here lately, haven't they?"

"Yes, they have!" I chirped. "Why, it's almost as if something or someone has deliberately, perhaps even maliciously, caused a tear in reality to maximise perverted behaviour with the intention of normalising it! But now that we've perceived the normality..."

Oh dear. It seemed as though I had accidentally created the single and sole bastion of weird in the entire world. Now, strange and lewd things were going to happen simply everywhere - and this was the only room in existence where it was possible to notice how strange it all was.

Oops?