Story: Rei Swarm

 

The more she thought about it - really thought about it - the more the title 'Sailor Tsundere' annoyed her. If she complained about basically anything at this point, people would go 'aw, look how tsun she's being', and pinch her cheeks. Metaphorically speaking, that is. Some people (by which she meant, some Reis) would probably take one look at her scowling face and literally do it. Actually, scratch that. Pretty much any Rei she encountered would do exactly that.

Anyway, here she was bounding from roof to roof in a costume that felt like fetish play. This skirt was way too short and fluttery, and all these years later she was sorely, keenly aware of how kinky her plugsuit was. Comboing them up like this was almost cruel.

Alright, alright, let's get this over with. Apparently she'd been given the super strength, agility and dexterity required to roof hop. In a tiny skirt. Through a freaking modern day city. Someone was going to pay for this idea, mark her words! Let's see, there were probably other assorted superpowers required to do what she was doing right now effectively. Like, a genius level intellect so she could intuitively calculate speed, distance, and the forces involved to ensure she landed exactly where she needed to go.

Oh, and for good measure she caught her reflection in a glass window she was jumping by, and verdammit did she look fine. She'd do her. She'd definitely do her. Although she'd better try her best to repress that memory before a Rei merged with her, and then - 

"Ahem! Rawr!"

Of course, the Angel, how could she forget? Pardon her - Cherubim. Asuka rolled her eyes eager to get this over with and see what sort of powers she had been granted beyond, you know, super strength et al. There were basically two ways for this to play out.

The first? The initial Cherubim is the tutorial. Which meant that Sailor Tsundere would roll her like a bowling ball. The other? She would be the one getting rolled to make a point.

It could maybe be an equal fight actually, when you consider how the Reis think. That would make it a game that they could pla~ay, right? Okay then, let's go in and check out what this 'Cherubim' looks like, bad cosplay and all.

"Help, help!" said a swooning Rei, who was quite deliberately bad acting. She was dressed like a sexy cop. Pencil skirt, impractical heels, buttons popped on her blue shirt to show off way more cleavage than a real police officer would be allowed to. "Oh no, our training to shoot first and ask questions later has backfired! This incredibly sexy monster - "

Asuka deliberately trod on her leg. Honestly, her opinions on the police were fairly neutral at best, but hearing that extremely blatant anti-cop attitude did kinda annoy her. And it would have annoyed her if Rei had gone the other way with it as well. Obnoxious is obnoxious.

The monster was lurking around this corner, then. There were Reis fleeing away from it. One was clad in a towel, another a french maid outfit, two of them were making out, and the last of them was casually strolling away while spanking herself on each successive step.

"Having fun as always," Asuka sighed. She stepped around the corner, expecting the worst, and then -

"Rawr!"

There was, standing in the middle of the street, surrounded by untold devastation - and we're talking the full works here. Fire hydrants ripped out of the pavement, upturned cars, flaming wrecks, a lamppost twisted into a knot, and in the middle of this cinematic masterpiece was, once again - 

"Rawr!"

A Rei. Wearing an oversized costume head like a character from an amusement park. Dinosaur themed. And not a single thing else. She was stomping around the place acting the part.

"Thats not a Cherubim!" Asuka complained to the skies above. "That's a verdammter T-Rex!"

"Rawr!" the 'Cherubim' roared cutely. Then it stamped its foot on the pavement and left an imprint bigger than her entire body in her wake.

"Can you at least be tonally consistent here?!" Asuka yelled.

"Oh, hey who is that?" a Rei in the crowd watching asked.

"It's Sailor Tsundere!" another replied.

"I see, I see, so she's using her tsun-tsun powers to strengthen herself?"

Grr, it was exactly like she'd assumed! If she complained, she was being tsun! If she agreed with something, she was being dere! She couldn't win no matter what she did! Oof! Alright then, let's see if she can figure out what sort of powers she had here!

Take a deep breath now, Asuka! Rush into battle, and use your instincts well! This stupid looking Rei needs to be taught a lesson, and so -

"Bakabakabakabakabakabakabaka!" Asuka found herself yelling at it, as she slapped the Rei so hard that its dinosaur head spun clean around, leaving it completely blind and stumbling around without any idea of what it was doing.

"Ohhhhhh!" the crowd of Reis applauded. "That's the power of a true tsundere!"

Kill her now. Urgh, actually no, kill her ten thousand years ago. You'd think she wouldn't have the capacity to get embarrassed at this point, but no, apparently she still could!

Asuka looked down at her hands. Her right hand was glowing red, but quickly going back to normal. Her left hand was blue, and... again, going back to normal.

"Ohhhh, I get it!" Asuka sneered. "So I am running hot and cold at the same time, right?"

"Rawr!" the Rei said. Though actually it was more like... "Rawr?"

"This is so stupid!" Asuka yelled, and smacked a wall. The bricks started to melt a bit. Alright. Time to experiment a bit. "That Rei has a really nice butt though." And now the upturned trash bin she'd put her left foot on was showing signs of frost.

Running hot and cold at the same time. Interesting. There was some potential here. The hotter her anger, the more potent her heat. The cooler her attitude, the colder she could make things.

She could use this. A genius like her surely ought to be able to -

"Rawr!" the Rei in the stupid dinosaur - pardon her, the Cherubim roared, pouncing at her after kicking off a car, falling towards her in seemingly slow motion. Oh dear, it seems as though she'd been able to right her dinosaur head.

"Hey, dummy!" Asuka cocked her head. "You think a pervert like you is gonna get the chance to lay hands on me?"

These sorts of magical girls were supposed to have a finishing move weren't they? Fine by her! She'd give those Reis watching a finishing move they would not soon forget! Asuka took a big, deep breath and then let out that ultimate, cliche, tsundere cry -

"It's not like I like you or anything!"

Her fists slammed together! Hot meeting cold at tremendous speeds, causing an enormous gust of wind that quickly send the Cherubim - where else, but into low Earth orbit.

"Hrmph, tutorial defeated!" Asuka pouted. The next one would be much, much more difficult, of that she was fairly confident. She'd probably get a new team member and - 

Oh dear, she'd get a new team member. Urgh. Sailor Kuudere? A Rei perhaps? Oh no, maybe Sailor Yandere and we get Mari coming along? The thought made her shudder. The team synergy would be something to behold. Worse yet, the Rei crowd around her were whooping and hollering up a storm. 

Hmph. This was just the first step though. In time, in time she'd figure out a way to use this superpower of hers to her absolute advantage - and then she'd do... something or other to overturn the real big bad here - 

<i>"And so, Sailor Tsundere unleashes her true might!"</i>

Oh dear god in heaven, it was Misato doing an end of the episode summary and hyping up the 'next episode.'

“Next time on Sailor Tsundere: Hearts Ablaze, Tempers Aflame! Our fiery heroine faces her greatest challenge yet! Teamwork. That’s right, folks! She’s joined by the ice-cold enigma Sailor Kuudere!"

"No, you fucking don't!" Asuka warned the disembodied voice.

<i>"Will Asuka learn to share the spotlight, or will she emotionally detonate before the first group pose?

Also: surprise villain reveal, questionable transformation physics, and a mysterious new snack-based power-up!

Don’t miss it! Same tsundere time, same tsundere channel!”</i>